I want to have a baby so bad it hurts. Literally. Every time Tim and I are out at a park, store, anywhere with live people, we see so many cute kids. All we talk about are how cute they are, mimic the funny things they say for the rest of the night, and practically stalk them as we just sit back and dream of the day when that will be our life. I sit there, choking back the tears, trying to look normal while inside I crumble. Last night Tim was sitting there, looking around the park and says, " All the people who are really having FUN here have kids...", with this longing look on his sweet face. As you can see, we really want some babies-pronto!
Now here's where the confusion comes- What about our gypsy lifestyle? What about our Nomadic living situations!??? Would this be too stressful for me to handle while preggers? What about not having a house yet? I wont be able to "nest", paint a nursery, hang pictures on the walls...We aren't even sure at this point on where exactly we are going to live next. Our lease is up here in the bay area on August 11 and I can't WAIT to leave here. I'm SO done with the city! DONE! I'm NEVER living in the city again! I need the country! I need the green, fragrant, rolling hills of open space! I need a house with acres, not a little box of a backyard. I want to hear birds and crickets at night, not traffic or the growling-(yes growling!) of some crazy bum at 2 am! ( We live in the middle of downtown-NEVER AGAIN!) Our next proposed move will most likely be to Oregon. We are so OVER California for now. My Wyoming friends were right, California IS ridiculous! The "sunny California" thing is a complete myth! I mean, it sure has so much to offer, but you have to put up with too much crap to live here. There are many beautiful spots, but there is more hot, dessert-like land in between. And I have a lot of friends here, but they're all too busy to ever do much with me. They all live so spread out and have jam-packed lives. TOO many people, traffic, not much open space, expensive houses, gas, fake people, a lot of CRAZY people. I'll bet you that if there was a study done of the geographical locations of people who are on Prozac, I bet you ten bucks most of them live in California. Want to know why? Because people here are TOO concerned with their outside appearance rather than their souls. It's that they let Hollywood-something of an illusion, be a model for their self-image. It is sad. It is sad that mothers buy their 18 year old daughters breast implants so that they can feel better about themselves. It is sad that parents don't spend much time with their kids because they commute 2 hours home from work and by the time they get home, the nanny has put them to bed. Ok I'll stop my CA-venting, and I know I shouldn't generalize ALL of Californians but that's the general feeling one would get when coming here. That's the "vibe" if you will. Just like the vibe in Wyoming is happy, outdoorsy, take off those heels and put on some Keens, have a granola bar type feel. And the vibe of Oregon is the same. We went up to visit our family up there in the beginning of this month and fell in love with it up there. It was as beautiful as a postcard! Everything was so green and fragrant I just have to be a part of it! People were so friendly and life was slower-paced. We went looking at houses with a real estate agent and found some possibilities for starter homes! We are both looking for jobs up there right now and hopefully will find something soon!
SO WOW I got just a little off track here! :) Guess I had something to SAY huh?!!! :)
Well, as for having a gypsy kid, maybe it's do-able. I mean, as long as I have one of those cool baby-sling things then all it really is, IS an extension of me right? And maybe I'll just have to paint a nursery for the second kid. Maybe for once, a second child in this world will have at least one advantage over their older sibling. "Well I had my own room when I was a baby" my little one will say. "Oh yeah well I lived in 3 different towns when I was a baby..." the older one will say...Oh I can see it now...:)
